Errant Thought Round Up #2

Can't sleep tonight, im hopin this helps...

I love, I love, I hate, I hate
I like, I wish, for goodness sake
I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray
I will, I won't, and for today...

I LOVE...having dinner ready when Todd gets home from work. I enjoy serving him by cooking dinner.

I LOVE...when Carly cries out "Mommy!" first in the morning. It's the only time "Mommy" comes before "Daddy".

I HATE...when people want to voice their thoughts or feelings to the world about something and use facts with holes in them to support their cause. (on a side note, this especially bothers me when it's about me yet I'm not specifically named. Man up!)

I HATE...that I sometimes feel territorial over relationships. I think this is a clear indicator of friendships lost.

I LIKE...eating Saturday lunch at the farm with everyone. What a blessing to enjoy meals as a family. I especially love hearing my Papaw Johnny's stories.

I WISH...I could attend said Saturday Lunches every weekend.

For Goodness Sake...people mistake the desire for accountability as meanness. Just
Because I asked you to commit to something specific doesn't mean I'm gonna beat you up after second service when you don't follow through.

I HOPE...my hubby really enjoys his new position at work.

I HOPE...God blesses us with another child.

I PRAY...that I'm an effective teacher when I start preschool with Carly this fall.

I PRAY...that I'm a better friend now than I used to be.

I WILL...at least get through the laundry mountain tomorrow.

I WON'T...be canning any more pickles this season!!!

AND FOR TODAY...God takes care of the birds,rabbits, giraffes, and all the other animals...surely I can trust that He will take care of me.



Thanks for reading
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:NW Helen Dr,Concord,United States

Gardening...

My hubby is quite the gifted gardener. This year, he was really ambitious, and although not everything came in, we have still had a LOT of vegetables to harvest this summer! We are learning how to do everything organic and that's made things a little more difficult, but very worth it.

We have a pantry stocked with canned tomatoes, tomato sauce and pickles; and a freezer with corn, spinach, and various jams.

God has surely blessed us with our garden. Every few days there are tomatoes, zucchini or something else to be picked. I am super excited for our watermelon, cantaloups and muscadine grapes to be ready.




I really wanted to write this post to say that my hubby is wonderful and I appreciate his hard work in our garden so we have fresh, organic veggies. Love you!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:NW Helen Dr,Concord,United States

To Blog...or Not to Blog...

I've been struggling over the last few days over whether or not to write this post.  As you can see, I've decided to write it....and I hope you'll accept it with an open mind and an open heart, as it's taken a lot to put myself out here at the most vulnerable time in my life. 


The month of June was physically hard for me.  On three separate occasions I experienced about an hour of cramping and spotting, and we weren't entirely sure what was happening.  The last time was on Carly's birthday, June 19th. On June 24, we found out we were expecting another baby.  We were so excited!! We had talked back in March and decided that we'd like to add another member to our family...we could barely keep from shouting it from the rooftops!! We told our parents, a few select friends, scheduled our first doctors appointment, and starting dreaming of how our lives would change next February when our baby came.  


Last Thursday, July 8th, I had my first obstetricians appointment.  We picked a new doctor, so we had a little "getting to know you" time, discussed how things were when Carly was born. He went over all the tests that were available, went over the "do's and don'ts of being pregnant" ... as He left the room, he told us to schedule an appointment for our first ultrasound the next week.  About 2 minutes later, he comes back in the room and says my pregnancy test was negative. He decides to take blood and send it off to a lab for confirmation. If this blood test was positive, I would have to take another one the next week to see if the levels increased or decreased before we had a for sure answer. I had to wait until Friday afternoon for the results from the first blood test.


At this point, I am dying inside.  I'd had a funny feeling leading up to the doctors visit, but I just couldn't put my finger on what could be wrong.  I chalked it up to being nervous about a new doctor.  In a matter of 30 minutes, I went from planning our future as a four member family, to mourning a child that I didn't even realize I had lost. What kind of Mom doesn't realize she lost her baby? 


I called my Mom and My Step Mom to tell them what the doctor had said...and I composed an email for our other family and friends because I just couldn't handle going through the story over and over. Nor did I, in my RAW state of emotion, want anyone else to tell me that God had a plan and He knew what He was doing. All I could see was that God's plan was to cause us immense pain. I asked our friends and family to pray for us as we went through the next twenty four hours of not knowing...and I started praying for a negative blood test. 


Before you judge me...understand, I could not go through a week of limbo, waiting to take a second blood test, only to be let down with a negative result.  I knew, deep in my heart, that our baby was gone. We weren't pregnant anymore. The best possible thing was for that test to be negative. I don't know that I have ever begged God for a blessing as much as I did for that negative blood test. 


Thursday night, Todd and I talked, and prayed, and cried....and I cried and cried and cried and cried. On Friday, I got up, with a blanket of peace over my whole mind, body, and soul.  I can't remember a night that I rested that well.  I continued my Friday as I had planned it and waited for the Doctors office to call. 


Thankfully, God, in his infinite grace, gave us our negative blood test results on Friday afternoon. 


How are we? We are good. Honestly good. We know that God has a plan for our family, and He knows what's best.  We are hopeful that we will receive the blessing of more children in our family, but we are also peaceful with the thought of our family being just the three of us. 


I am certain that God doesn't intend on us to go through life's struggles alone. As I shared our doctor's office results with friends who had celebrated our new baby with us, most haven't responded. I am well aware that sometimes, you don't know what to say to people. But, personally, I would rather you say the wrong thing than avoid me. 


I don't want pity, please know that. I just want other women who have experienced this to know, we don't have to be ashamed. I know that this miscarriage was not my fault or my husband's fault. God isn't punishing Todd and I for some bad decision we made.  


I hope that this blog reaches someone who maybe has been through the same thing.  I pray that if you haven't experienced this pain, that you won't have to.  But to those of us who know what this feeling is...don't hide it. Don't carry the burden alone. Share with your spouse, your friends, your small group. Let people love you and care for you.  


I have to say...I knew that I had a couple of friends that I could count on through anything. Friends that called or texted me over the first few days just to say "I'm thinking about you". What a blessing that was! But I also had people that weren't "close" friends say, "Hey, I've been there". I got an unexpected phone call from someone who said 'Isn't it crazy how it hits you?" 


I firmly believe that God didn't design us to "do life alone" ... and that's why I have shared this story with the universe. In my weakest moment, God has revealed to me my support system.  Some members I expected and some were the most pleasant surprise. If you called me, texted me, emailed me, prayed for me, THANK YOU!! From the bottom of the deepest depths of my soul, THANK YOU! 


I may never know God's full reason for us to experience this pain, but I have already have been shown that God is using this situation for His Good and my own. 

Romans 8:28 (The Message)

 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Carly's 2nd Birthday

 

        Carly made her first Build-a-Bear this year.  I was really excited for this...but she was over it after the stuffing was done. Oh well, I really enjoyed it! 

 We, by we I mean I, picked a purple bear that sparkles, it's the iCarly edition.  I couldn't NOT pick the bear with her name on it...It's pretty cute. Carly named her "Abby. I'm still pretty excited over this bear....

    

    For Carly's Party, we had a kiddie pool, a splash mat, and a Bounce House!! This year, we opted to do one big party at our house, instead of 4 different parties with all 4 sides of our family...blended families are a blessing.  This is Carly and Evelyn. They had fun together, but Evelyn - being the neat girl that she is, did not like the grass in the kiddie pool!

 Carly has really enjoyed this present from her Mamaw Betty and Papaw Jeff, it's a small bounce house. She plays and plays and plays!!  

   This Babydoll Bed is really special.  It was mine!  My mom sewed the bedding for it, especially for Carly Beth.  She loves this little bed, she's even tried to get in it!  I love that she is enjoying something that used to be mine.

 And this...is Carly's baby.  It goes everywhere with her! We got her a diaper bag with bottles, so she can feed her baby too.  She is definitely designed to be a mother...amazing how God creates us with our purpose from the beginning...

Errant Thought Round Up #1

... I'm stealing this from my friend  - Kendra ...

I love, I love, I hate, I hate

I like, I wish, for goodness sake

I hope, I hope, I pray, I pray

I will, I won't, and for today...

I Love...curling up with a good book.  Even if it is just for 20 minutes, it's energizing, I love it...Hey, what's a good book series to start?

I Love...going back home to visit my family.  There's nothing that comes close to the feeling I get when I turn down the gravel road off HWY 127 and prepare to go UP the driveway...nothing compares.

I Hate...wishy washy -ness. Make a decision and stick to it...and don't be afraid to tell people no!

I Hate...my husband's work schedule. He works 55+ hours a week...He's always tired, but he works so hard. 

I Like...when someone says or does something that confirms a thought or feeling I have already had. I like confirmation of things that God puts on my heart.

I Wish...we could move to Mountain View....Please, pretty please??

For Goodness Sake...why does my iPhone automatically correct words I didn't mispell, but leaves the words I clearly screw up alone?!?!? 

I Hope...I am loving my husband in his love language, effectively.  This is something I struggle with...

I Hope...my daughter knows how much she is loved.  Some days, are hard, stressful, and I'm ugly...

I Pray...that I am careful to protect my daughter's heart as she grows older. I want her innocence to last as long as it's healthy.

I Pray...that my husband and I get to grow old, or young, together. Though I wouldn't want our children to be without either of us, and definitely not both of us...I can't imagine spending one day without him in this world. 

I Will...sleep so good tonight because I haven't recovered from the midnight showing of Eclipse Wednesday morning...

I Won't...be able to rest well though because Todd isn't here in Blufton yet...

And For Today...I am thankful I remembered that I forgot to pack shorts and pants for Todd. If not, he'd get here and have nothing to wear over his underwear....